I'm 27 and have been living with my boyfriend for about one year. I just found out I am pregnant, while he is on vacation until next week. In past conversations he has expressed his feelings for not ever having kids, and his fear that I may be trying to get pregnant, which I have always assured him that I actually don't want to get pregnant any more than he does, apart from having my own reasons (huge student loan debt, desire to pursue a grad school education, having just got my life together in the last few years). Anyway, the reason I went off birth control three to four months ago is because I was unemployed, we were moving apartments in a very expensive city, and I didn't believe I could afford it. Also, the prescription I had been renewing was out of refills months ago, and I wasn't sure it was even legal for me to keep refilling it. I lost my health insurance during my last semester at school, as I was one credit too short to have the plan. Since graduating in December, I have not tried to get new health insurance, and thus have waited to get back on birth control, until the obvious just recently happened. I do not believe my boyfriend and I are really in love, and I'm really not financially stable enough to consider having a child right now. I care so much about my boyfriend, and I believe that we will agree on what to do, but I must say that I am so humiliated and mortified that the one thing we both didn't want has happened. I honestly hoped to have the abortion this weekend so it would be over with by the time I told him (unless I healed and opted to just NOT tell him, out of my own fear- I admit), but today the doc said he couldn't do the procedure because I am barely over a week along, and so I have to wait two weeks. Now I can't decide how to tell my boyfriend, or if I shouldn't. I do know that he is adamant about not having kids, and I am not ready either. I am also just humiliated and afraid that he will resent me, not be able to handle the stress of this occasion, and become completely alienated from me. I don't foresee him trying to leave as finding a place to live elsewhere would be extremely difficult for him and for me, but I fear he will stay and treat me badly for making the one thing he didn't want to happen happen. I know he has a responsibility in all this too, and some part of the decision, but I just feel that if we both want to abort, perhaps I could save our relationship a ton of stress if I didn't tell him and did it on my own. Many of my friends think I should break up with him anyway, not tell him, and go through with the abortion on my own. I can't imagine having to pay double my rent in less than 2 weeks, pay for an abortion, break up with my boyfriend, and start life out alone all at once. I'm seriously just feeling mortified and scared that our relationship won't survive this, because we're not in love. I've always believed that one doesn't have to be in love to be in a relationship, so I want to keep ours going, but what if he never wants to have sex with me ever again? I'm just so stuck, and my original plan to deal with this situation has not worked, leaving me even more lost. Any help would be great. And pro-lifers out there--I've already had one abortion and have no problem doing another one, so answers involving judgment of my values and decision on this will be disregarded.|||I think you should tell your boyfriend. If you are 100% sure of the decision you want to make (and it sounds like you are) and considering his views, then there shouldnt be any reason for your relationship to end over this. What i am getting at is that if you are both on the same page then i dont see why he would have a problem with it or be angry at you for the situation. Its not like you went out to get pregnant on purpose just so you could have an abortion so he cant be angry at you for "getting yourself pregnant"(I say it like that because its as much his responsibility as it is yours).
I had an abortion a month ago. I was in a relationship with a guy for a year and we were not in love. I was in love with him but he wasnt in love with me and i knew that. He drove me to the clinic, waited for me and was there when it was over. Despite the fact that we werent in love and i couldnt see a future for us, i still needed him there with me. Its not something that i could have done with a friend. I was ending the life of OUR child and it was something that only he could understand.
I was in a very very similar situation to you. I am studying at university, i work part time, ive just moved into a share house with a friend. My whole life was changing and as much as i wanted that baby i couldnt see how i was going to get through it or how a baby would fit into my life.
If i was you, i would wait for him to get home from his vacation. Tell him that you are in a situation and you need support from him. Tell him that you have made the decision that you think is the best for both of you but you cant do it alone because trust me, you cant.
I hope that helps and everything works out for you, send me an email if you need to vent/chat/worry whatever because i get it.|||Well, I told him, and I told him what I planned to do. He didn't have anything to say except "I suppose that is the right thing.". After that there were no words about it and he never asked me if I was okay. I broke up with him and kicked him out. He was never going to give me any support anyway
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|||Id tell him just because it's his child too. I see your point in not wanting to but I just don't think it'd be right. I'd wait till he got back, talk about it, tell him that you want to get an abortion, and then go get one. I just don't think it's fair to not let him know that he could have potentially had a child, and I don't think it's fair to not even listen to his opinion in the matter, even if you don't listen to it. Everyone is different though, so I guess it depends on your relationship! I just know my boyfriend would be furious if I got an abortion and didn't tell him.|||I would definitely tell him. He has a right to know. I would not feel guilty about telling him either because that is the risk that is taken when people have sex. It's a challenging situation, but that doesn't mean that it can't work out. People change. Feelings change. Babies are a blessing. I'm sure you would make a great mom. So everything is not perfect and didn't all go according to plan, but that doesn't mean that it all can't turn around for good. Don't let fear guide your decisions.
You must have some faith in the guy since you are still with him. But woman to woman, I think that you should take some time to develop more faith in yourself and recognize that you have value, you have something to bring to the table. The more you realize that, the more he will wanna stay on his own. Be confident about the situation. He may be shocked as you were, but a few months down the line when he wraps his mind around the fact that HIS baby is on the way.... that's a beautiful thing. All the men I know love babies even though it can be a little intimidating since it does require them to really be a man, etc....
I'm sure things will turn out well. Just take it one day at a time.
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