Please read on and comment on how my storyline sounds? This is just a basic outline to get to the Point of the story, also I haven鈥檛 got names for my characters yet so I call them Girl, Boy and Earth.
I know its long but I feel there is a lot I need to explain, I put a lot of thought into it, so please stay with it as I really would like so reviews.
Beginning-
After a series of unfortunate events Girl decides to make a fresh starts in life and so moves back to the cottage where she grew up as a child with her beloved grandparents. Girl inherited the cottage 4 years previous after her grandparents died but has never had the courage to return, as a result of being empty for a few years the cottage requires a fair bit of work to get it updated and running again. The cottage is situated alone in the thick forest which fringes a sleepy and traditional Village. With no real education and a lack of available employment, Girl is unable to find a fitting job, and so decides to renew her gardening skills learnt with her grandparents, she sets up as a flower vender, selling flowers from her garden at the local market. A month or so later as the cold weather sets in she struggles to grow anything to sell and is left worrying about her future. One day when she was on her own when she saw something in the trees, it was a figure of a man but he was not completely human, he was unlike anyone she had ever see. After a few visits he explained that he was a representation of the element Earth, who鈥檚 task is to look after the forest and keep it and all in it alive and healthily. He's been watching her for a while and she fascinated him. Feeling a strong emotion for girl, as well as the worry that she might have to leave if she could not afford to live at the cottage, he agreed to help her with her garden, he would keep her garden alive for her, so long as she stayed. She was entranced by him, charmed by him. Without him what would she do, would she be able to survive. So eventually, and quite willingly, Girl agreed.
Whilst working at the market, she had caught sight of Boy. Never having the chance to speak to him, she always watches him from a far, Boy also returning looks of interest. One day when collecting wood in the forest for her fire, she is sighted by a cougar, realising that she was the cougars dinner, she runs and runs, screaming for Earth, screaming for help. With now response she decides to save her breath and runs faster, The terrain is awful and she stumbles, trips and falls. She has cut her head, but gets up and keeps running. Dizziness gets the better of her, and concussion catches up on her, her legs begin to weaken and she is losing her balance, just before she collapses she sees a figure in the shadows, hears a thunderous echo in the skies and suddenly all is dark and quiet. She wakes up to a warm fire, and a gentle voice. It is Boy, and he had saved her.
Middle-
Many months had pasted and Boy and Girl, have become very close She was beginning to like the boy was unsure of her feeling as she couldn't stop thinking about Earth. Boy felt very strongly for Girl but unsure of how she felt, he didn鈥檛 dare risk saying anything. Earth on the other hand hated Boy for killing his cougar, and hated Boy even more for distracting Girl from him.
Now it new years eve, a celebration and the village was hosting a masked Ball that evening. Boy asked Girl to be his partner for the night, she agreed. During the ball, the girl saw earth amongst the crowd, which was unusually as he never came out in public. Shocked she ran over to him, he looked very intense, very determined. Curious as to what was wrong with him she followed him into the dark of the forest. Their he wooed her, talked to her, entranced her, used all that he could to convince her that she would have a better life with him. She, having only so much will to resist, She agreed! She agreed to be his, in body and promise, and with that she was. She was as he was in body, inhuman like he was, immortal as he was, and her word she had given to him.
End-
She lived happily with Earth for a while, he has distracted her from boy as best he could, but subtle things reminded her of Boy. Over time she saw a side to Earth that he had hidden from her. He was as enchanting as the trees, and graceful as the flowers and elegant the hills, but he was also as cold like the soil, as Hard as the rocks, as stubborn as the mountains. Jealousy controlled him and envy encouraged him, He was as he had created.
Girl realised that she was tricked into a life with Earth, he had used his gifts entice and amaze her, however he had always kept his darker side fully masked. She hated how he tricked her, how he fooled her. Did he ever want her? Or did he just want no one else to have her? And her dear Boy, whatever happened to him? She knew now for the first time what she wanted, who she wanted.
She had given her body to Earth, but her soul was for|||The story has potential but I am not too sure about the meeting of the person who is not all human and explains that he is the representation of the element earth. If she had done something to bring an old god of the earth on the scene such as plant a special flower then I would have found it a bit more believable. The same goes for the fact that he is not all human - I think she would have shown a lot of fear especially as she is living in a remote cottage on the edge of a thick forest and by the same token I would not have thought that she would have given herself to him either. It sounds very much as though the story is set in England but suddenly there is a cougar chasing her. Has it escaped from somewhere because there are no cougars in England, or is the story set in America?
However I do like the idea and there is no doubt that it will flow well when you start to write it but I would suggest that, if the story is set in England you do some research on the gods of old Norse or Saxon origin or even a local superstitious god of ancient times. Whatever you decide good luck with it.|||I really like the general idea and the originality of Earth. However, i feel it needs something more.|||Have you posted this on before? Because i have read it already..?|||You need something more exciting at the beginning. I was bored, at first. But as I read on, I was sort of enthralled. I had to keep reading. And that is what you want. So you did good. My only criticism was the beginning, which I think is the weakest part of the story. If the reader is bored by the beginning, they may not read on as I did. Overall, it is unique, creative, and imaginative. Good Luck and God Bless.|||thats a really great storyline and i love the idea of earth as a character, really original.
i think with the chosing to be provided for or be protected, you could do that by seeing what type of character she is eg. if shes a strong, independent, confident girl who thinks for herself then she may not want to be protected, she can protect herself. or she could be shy, underconfident, anxious and feel a need for protection.
great ideas though, very innovative x|||I love the whole earth jealousy boy girl thing :D
but the garden idea and that .... yeah just not my cup of tea but don't let that put you off. em well it doesnt seem like it would be long and it feels like i have just read the whole book.
I would use the earth boy girl idea thing as it is amazing :D
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