Should I have separated our bank accounts?

So I'm kind of new to the marriage thing. My husband and I are 19, only married for 7 months. When we got married, we consolidated our bank accounts into one. Our marriage is actually going pretty well, except for the finances. Other then that, I am happy.





The situation we have is that I'm the breadwinner... which is ok with me. But, I go to school full time and I work full time at a pretty good paying job. The impression I got from my husband while we were dating is that we would both work hard to make it. I mean, we're really young, and we're without degrees so far, except I'm like a semester or two from mine.





The job market available to us is REALLY slim, and I thought we both knew that we would have to work extra hard to make a good life for us and a future family. I guess I'm the only one that got that memo... He dropped out of college right after we got married and works maybe 3 to 4 hours, five days a week at 8.50 and hour. The rest of the time he plays Xbox... and nothing else. Plus the fact that he grew up pretty privileged, and spends a lot more money then he actually makes keeping a lifestyle that he doesn't really need. I, on the other hand, have been working since I was 15 and have been on my own since I was 17. I know what it's like to be dirt poor.





I've tried to talk to him about this, numerous times. I've asked him to get another part time job if he wasn't going to go to school, though I would prefer he went to school. But he just doesn't try, and I am tired of making everything happen for us. I just want him to know how much it actually takes to live, and how much I need to have him contribute more of an effort than he is. I don't want to leave him, but I don't want to carry around dead weight for the rest of my life ya know? Because I have motivation to do things and have a good career. But I also want to know that I can count on him to provide as well.





So after many discussions about this I let him know that I was going to open a new account today... went down and opened one, transferred only a portion of our savings into it, and made my paychecks direct deposit into it from now on. When I got home, I laid out our finances (which I usually take care of) and let him know that I was asking him to pay half of everything... rent, utilities, car payment... and then anything after that he could spend.





He is really mad at me, and I think he feels like I am punishing him or preparing to leave him (made it clear to him I was not), but I don't know cause he won't speak to me. I just want him to be responsible and not lean on people to take care of him. What do I do with this situation? Did I do the right thing or am I being a *****? Can anyone with a little more experience give some some advice? By the way... I try very hard to be encouraging and not condescending to him, so it's not like I emasculate him and shoot him down.|||Unfortunately when one person in the relationship is irresponsible with money and the other has tried repeatedly to get them to understand that they can't spend more than they earn, then that other does have to take charge BEFORE the debts do become insurmountable.


Of course he doesn't like it - it takes away his "play" money. But if he was mature enough to get married, he should have been mature enough to understand that "play time" is over and he now has to be an adult and participate in his life in a fully adult way.


You have it seems had to grow up pretty quickly. I am sorry but I do feel that you maybe underestimated his level of immaturity, or chose to ignore it. After all you do say "He dropped out of college right after we got married and works maybe 3 to 4 hours, five days a week... The rest of the time he plays Xbox... and nothing else... he grew up pretty privileged, and spends a lot more money then he actually makes keeping a lifestyle that he doesn't really need...".


Maybe you two are really at different stages in your life. He's certainly NOT on the same page as far as meeting his responsibilities goes. You may choose to hang in there and see if eventually he grows into the man you want and need in your life, or you may simply grow tired of dragging his lazy butt along with you.|||Today's world is full of unknowns, it is only fair for both of you if you earn your own money to have your own separate accounts, and also have a joint account where you contribute a percentage to the household, that's what I'm planning to do.|||Separate accounts would make him work harder, because otherwise he would have to be begging off you and the male ego should kick in for him to get off his butt and work hard.